Chapter 3

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Translated by Tam


When I finished eating and headed to my room, Bell, my exclusive maid, followed two steps behind me.
She was so nervous that she couldn’t take care of this Lady as she did yesterday. 


“Madam, should I bring a book?”


“No, I’m tired.
I’ll take a rest, so come when I call you.”


Please take a rest.”


I kicked Bell out and lay down on the bed.
After the nerve war was over, I was exhausted.
Carla managed to live two years with that.


Count Icarus didn’t even know that Carla was different from usual.
No, not everyone in this mansion knows that Carla is not the real Carla.


I felt like I was going to cry for no reason, so I took a deep breath.
I missed my mom, who I couldn’t contact for a long time.
What if she’s crying because I’m missing?


I missed my friends who I couldn’t contact often because of work.
I even wanted to see the team leader, who fought to death every day.


Everyone must be surprised that I had disappeared.
Of course, Carla disappeared, but it was even more pitiful to think that no one knew about her.
Would it have been better if she had been in an accident and a dead body possessed me?


The bed sheets that were washed and replaced cleanly didn’t smell much.


“Ah, that’s right.
List, list.”


I stretch my body on the bed.
It would be pretty ugly if other people saw it, but I didn’t care.


Reaching out, he lifted the marble with the broken corner and pulled out the roll of paper and the diary underneath.
Even though I was in a place with no light, I found the dowry list through the papers stained with tears.


“Not this, not this… Ah, I found it.”


The dowry list was three pages.
It was a mix of everything from easy-to-cash jewels to large and small mines.


Laying on my stomach on the bed, I scattered the list with my fingers and found the diamond mine.
The mine was written halfway down the list.


A soft pencil kept with the diary was marked small next to it.
I felt proud for no reason. 

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“I’ll find everything for you.
Trust this sister.”


If the Count had Carla’s property, he’d use it for his mistress anyway, so it’d be right to take it back. 


I stroked Carla’s diary once.
It was made of good leather, and there were stains on the outside cover, but there were no tears or damage.
But Carla’s true feelings, which were written on the paper, were very hurt. 


Poor Carla, she pondered endlessly about what she had done wrong.
If she had been a little more friendly, if she had been more cheerful, if she had a more lovely face—but none of that was the answer.


Because she wasn’t the one who broke the trust between a couple who swore to stay pure in the name of God.
I couldn’t figure out why she, the victim, thought she was to blame for her husband’s affair.
I can only guess that it was because she loved him.
Among them was self-blame for failing to fulfil the wife’s duties because she failed to satisfy her husband in bed. 


[Praying to God doesn’t give birth to a child.
So I’m going to wash my virtueless.]


She doubted her body for over two years because she didn’t have children, but I suspected the Count.
Even the mistress whose bodies were said to have been overlapping for more than a year didn’t have children. 


He didn’t even use contraception.
Still, they don’t have children, and when the seasons change, shouldn’t it be impossible for a couple with only one mandatory bed to have children? 


But Carla didn’t seem to think so.
There were also traces that she wrote down all kinds of folk remedies to have a good baby and then erased them. 


She led the charity, wrote a letter to a lonely old woman, and reached out to Young Lady, who had no one to lean on at first.


When I read about her actions, I wondered if other people were like her. 


Looking through her diary, I discovered she was not a saint.
Instead, she was an aristocratic woman who was merciless to the faults of her subordinates.


Then she fell in love with the Count and even changed her own nature.


In this novel, Carla is a very mad woman.
She was so mad at love that she abandoned her family and even herself.


But somehow, she just didn’t seem like a stranger.
When I like something, I don’t look at anything else, which gets me in trouble with the people around me.


“What is love? Everyone is so crazy about it…”


I stroked the diary once more, and then put it back under the bed.
Then, with a click, the wad of paper disappeared under the marble floor.



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As soon as I got onto the bed, I let out a breath I had been holding back.
Every time I look at the diary, I feel like I’m peeking into someone else’s abyss, so it wasn’t very enjoyable.


I pulled the rope next to the bed to distract my disturbed mind.
Belle opened the door as if she had been waiting nearby. 


“Do you call me, Madam.”


I tried to order her to bring me tea, but I stopped. 


The reason was that I didn’t feel like drinking tea or sending her on errands.


I said, with my hair ruffled from rolling on the bed.


“Could you comb my hair?”




Sitting on the dressing table, I looked straight into the mirror.
Belle slowly began to brush my hair.


I could see Carla’s black hair and pale skin in the mirror.
The bloodless skin also looked like a sick person who had not been exposed to sunlight for a long time.


Her face looked more like an apprentice priest in a prayer house than an aristocrat’s.


However, the slightly raised eyes and closed lips didn’t belong to the person who entrusted the body to God.


Only black eyes gleamed.
Are those eyes mine, or are they Carla’s? 


I closed my eyes, and the image reflected in the mirror disappeared.
Poor Carla.




This crazy world had a more distant system than I thought.
But, of course, it’s just ‘more than you think’.
They were monogamous, and divorces were rare.


Because divorce has to prove the immorality of one side, because it is a world of people playing ‘haha hoho’ with more than one mistress. 


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However, it was against the moral idea of an unmarried person and a married person to have an affair.
That’s why it’s essential to get married and enjoy each other’s feelings.
The word “crazy” kept coming out of my mouth.


It was hard even to imagine how crazy the Count had been doing with the female lead, who is still unmarried. 


An illegitimate child born of an affair should be held responsible by a person of higher status.
If they had equal status, it was common for the person with more property to be responsible.


In short, if the female lead, the mistress, had a child, the Count was responsible for it. 


If Carla only proved the Count’s immorality, divorce would also be possible.
But she didn’t want it.


She didn’t write it down in her diary, but it was obvious that she would care for the Count’s illegitimate child as if she had given birth to it.
But, of course, I wasn’t.
What’s so nice about taking care of someone else’s child?




Unknowingly, I let out a groan through my mouth, and Bell took a step back in surprise. 


“Did it hurt?”




I blinked in surprise.
Bell was pale with no blood to the tips of her fingers.
She seems to know that she is pulling my hair strongly. 


“No, I was thinking of something else.”


Watching Bell trembling, I wondered if Carla had a worse personality than I thought.
Everyone trembles no matter what I say, and even the maid she’s been with for the longest time is often frightened.


I looked at my reflection in the mirror from different angles and nodded.
It was a hairstyle that had the side hair tied back and wavy hair with pins here and there.
It looked really pretty without any other decorations.


“Yes, it’s pretty.
I love it.”


Only then Bell let out a small sigh of relief. 


“Madam, shall I decorate your hair with pearls?”


I thought for a moment.
I wasn’t going anywhere, so there was no need to bother.
Still, looking at the pearl, I pretended to be innocent and said to Bell. 


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“Just a few.”


Bell opened the drawer and took out a small box.
Glittering beads rolled around in the box. 


It wasn’t pearls.
If it is a pearl, there is no way that fingerprints remain so clearly on the surface.
Because oil from human hands can erase it from the pearls.
But I didn’t really want to bring it up. 


There was a winding pin on one side of the bead.
It looks like I can decorate my hair with that.


Bell picked up some beads and put them between the braids.
Surprisingly, the beads didn’t fall off easily.
Instead, the decorations gleamed in the light as I turned my head from side to side. 


“Madam, you are very elegant.
The pearls look good on you.” 


“I see.
Good job.”


I like it.
Yeah, if anything in this world was comforting to me, it was this. 


Life was like falling into a dark well and hanging from a small tree branch with a lion’s mouth open above and a snake’s tongue wagging below.
Still, it was a human law to eat a few drops of honey that flowed from the tip of the branch.


“Excuse me, Madam—”


When I looked proud, Bell spoke to me carefully.


“With all due respect, we have to clean up the old invitation, what should we do?”


It was something I had forgotten.
It’s been two months since I’ve been possessed by Carla, but I’ve rarely been out.
At best, I took a carriage as I did yesterday and went around the outskirts of the nearby city. 


When I first went out, I shuddered to remember that my legs were swollen even though I didn’t walk a few steps.
Still, I had to go out once.


Social activities are like aristocratic duties, and Carla used to make appointments with others.
So even if there was a rumor that she wasn’t feeling well, it wasn’t a reason for her to stay away.


They may be suspicious for nothing.
I sighed and looked at Bell.


“Yeah, bring me the invitation.”




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