The Girls Who Traumatized Me Keep Glancing at Me, but Alas, It’s Too Late (WN)

he extent that I can’t remember it, Hinagi and I have spent a lot of time together.
That’s what I thought.
But it was a misunderstanding, and I was the only one who thought that, so I was rejected outright before I could confess my feelings.

　Lately, things have been awkward between us.
Whenever I tried to talk to her as usual, Suzurikawa would often speak harshly to me, as if she was annoyed.
Thinking about it, the distance between us as childhood friends must have been uncomfortable for her.
It was stressful to be in close contact with someone she didn’t like.
I’m not sure how long it’s been going on, but from the very beginning, I’ve been invisible to her all this time, that’s all.

　I didn’t even realize it when I thought she didn’t have feelings for me.
Thinking about it, I noticed that Suzurikawa had made a number of such signs.
When she told me that she had been confessed to by a senpai, it was always the same.
I had foolishly assumed that she would never accept such a confession by another guy.
But that’s not what she meant.
She was trying to tell me that I was a nuisance and a hindrance when I approached her.
Maybe it was because we had known each other since childhood that she didn’t say it directly to me, or maybe it was just her kindness.

　I’m not needed by anyone.
My mother and sister didn’t like me either, so the kindness that I received from Suzurikawa was more than anything that I had asked for.
There were days when I felt happy.
But those days are gone now.
There was nothing left for me now.

“What went wrong……?” (Yuki)

　I muttered to myself, but no answer came back to me.

　No tears came out.
There was only despair.
The emptiness that covered my grief spread.

　In my room, I had many memories of her.
There were even pictures of us together on the wall.
All of them were the history of my stupid and foolish misunderstanding.
I didn’t want to look at them anymore.
In one of the photos, Suzurikawa was smiling embarrassingly next to me and I had a straight face.
She looked much younger than she did now.
I wondered if she really meant that smile, or if she had always secretly thought that I was annoying.

　Every year, we went to a summer festival together.
I could tell how kind she was to me by the fact that she went along with me even though she hated me.
But now, that kindness was poison.
It would have been better if she had told me outright that she hated me.
Thinking back to last year, when we went to a summer festival, I tried to hold Suzurikawa’s hand to prevent her from getting lost in the crowd.
She reacted with a shock and hurriedly withdrew her hand.
In the end, our hands were never held.
It was uncomfortable to be held hands by someone you disliked.
I guess it can’t be helped.
She already hated me by that time.

　It’s so unrequited……, I think to myself.
As long as the memories of her remain in this room, I may drag my feelings out forever.
I was dumped anyway.
It’s okay now.
It was all a misunderstanding on my part, and it wasn’t a mutual love.
It was just a one-sided love.
Just an unrequited love.
Even if it was just a feeling that had been building up for years, I had to let it go.

“Let’s get rid of it.” (Yuki) 

　I have to throw it away.
The memories of her.
My relationship with her, everything.
Our relationship as childhood friends is over.
We’re strangers now, we have no connection whatsoever.
Because she hates me.
I can’t keep harboring these feelings for her.
I’m not going to be near her.
She even has a boyfriend.
I can’t keep having the same relationship as before.
Especially if she hates me.
I’d become a stalker.

　I made up my mind to get rid of my memories of Hinagi Suzurikawa.
That’s fine.
There’s nothing wrong.
It must be right.
Something is screaming in my heart.
Is that really the right thing to do? But there was nothing to overturn it, only the facts presented in front of me.
Suzurikawa said it herself that she would go out with her senpai.
What else is there to say?　There was nothing I could do to deny it.

　I toss the photo frame into the garbage bag.
A straight-faced me and a smiling Suzurikawa.
The expression on my face in the last picture I saw looked like I was crying.

　The last thing I had left was the present I had planned to give Suzurikawa when I confessed my feelings to her.
I really wanted to be close to her like before.
I wanted to get to know her better than before.
I also never really had the experience of giving someone a gift like this.
Every year, I gave Suzurikawa a gift for her birthday, but this was the first time I had chosen something like an accessory.
It was a complete hunch.
I just picked something that I thought would look good on her.
But it would have been annoying to get it from someone she didn’t like.
It would only make her feel uncomfortable.

　I thought about just throwing it away, but I had bought it myself.
What a waste.
It might be a good idea to give it to someone else.
My mom and sister also hated me, so it wouldn’t feel good to give it to them, would it? Well, maybe I can give it to a classmate someday.

　I left the brooch alone and finished getting rid of the pictures.
I didn’t have much stuff in my room to begin with.
There were no more traces of Tonagi I had in my room.
No more albums, no more memories.
Yes, that’s fine.

　In the empty room, I just stood there without doing anything.

“Goodbye……Hinagi” (Yuki) 

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