My Heart .

IV : First Date

”You should do it, go on the date and have some fun for once ”, ”What do you mean for once, Im fun ”. Kim Mina stared at her cousin in amusement while she frowned deeply mumbling that she was a lot of fun under her breath. ”I never said you were no fun Sunny, I just implied that you never let yourself have any fun. Youve been working since you were 15 years old and you don seem to know when to stop. I get that this is your dream but that is no reason to work yourself to the point of exhaustion, earning all this money and gaining so much attention only to come home to an empty house. Everyone needs love, whether they admit it or not its nice to have someone to be there at the end of the day ”. Completely taken aback at the statement Mina made she groans dejectedly.

Mina was right she was always so busy with her career but honestly who could blame her, the idol industry was incredibly cut throat. One wrong move or scandal can ruin years of hard work, something that she hoped never happens to her. ”Fine Ill go on the date, I hope the guy is at least decent and doesn freak out when he sees me ”, ”Did Mr Wong tell you anything about the date? ”. Thinking about the conversation she had with Mr Wong earlier in the day she recalled how excited he was when he told her about the setup, saying that she would love the guy and she knew that the man who was the closest thing to a father figure to her had already started planning a wedding.

”Just that the date would be on Friday at a place called N. Grill, I looked it up its really nice has an amazing view at night. Im supposed to meet him there at 7 under the reservation for Lee, I guess thats his surname. Apparently, hes a really nice guy, hes recently divorced though. Thats about all Mr Wong told me and to have an open mind ”, Sun-Hee shrugged, she had to admit that she was a bit nervous about the whole thing. She knew Mr Wong would never put her in an uncomfortable position so she trusted him to set her up with a good guy. She hadn been on a date in so long and the last date she had was a disaster, the guy couldn form proper sentences around her when he was sober and spoke embarrassingly too much when he had some liquor in him.

”Why would he tell you to keep an open mind? Does the guy have kids? I mean theres absolutely nothing wrong with having kids but I don want to you to have to deal with ex-wife drama. Also, a grill? Why not a fancy restaurant or something? ”, she shrugged once again she really didn mind the place it seemed really nice when she looked it up, had a great view, the food looks good and it seemed to have a private setting so she wouldn easily get recognized. She wondered if he did have kids, she wouldn mind at all she loved kids but she definitely didn want to deal with drama from an ex. ”The place is fine and honestly I don mind if hes got kids, its one date we
e not about to marry. If it goes well then by all means you know I love kids and if not, you live and learn. Hopefully I don have to deal with any exes if it does go well though. ”

”If you say so, as long as it doesn go as horribly as your last date ”, Mina laughed seeing Sun-Hee scowl at the mention of that night. ”Ugh please don bring that up, Im still traumatized. Im seriously going to walk out of that place on Friday if that date turns out to be the same ”, Mina laughed louder. ”That guy really put you off dating for what, like 2 years right? ”, ”This is not funny, I can even go to that restaurant without having flashbacks of that night haunting me ”. Mina was wheezing at this point not being able to contain her laughter any longer while Sun-Hee frowned deeply, ”This better go well or Im swearing off dating forever Ill just adopt that seems way easier than finding a decent person to marry these days ”.

Mina giggled at the comment, ”You sure about that? What if BTS V asks you to marry him? ”, ”Well thats a different story, all he needs to do is tell me when and where Im ready ”. Mina burst out laughing, her cousin had always been way too obsessed with the idol. ”If we ever met, Id probably faint, or die. Hes way too handsome for his own good. ” She watched her cousin daydream paying close attention to her. She noticed the bags under her eyes, her slumped shoulders, she even noticed that she had lost a bit of weight, she looked so tired. Mina sighed hoping that the exhausted look her cousin was sporting was just because of a loaded schedule and not because of sleepless nights due to nightmares. She was very aware of the fact that Sun-Hee was still having these nightmares no matter how much she tried to hide it she knew.

”Have you been sleeping well? ”, Sun-Hee snapped out of her daydream immediately tensing up at the question hoping Mina doesn notice this. ”Of course, I have, I mean Ill probably start sleep walking with my schedule about to change for my upcoming tour ”. Mina took a deep breath, she didn want to be this person, she didn like addressing such a sensitive topic but she needed her cousin to be okay. ”I know you hate talking about this but I just want to make sure you
e okay Sunny, you
e my family, I love you very much and I hope you know that Im here, always. Day or night, I don care just talk to me about all of this, it must be so hard to keep all of those feelings to yourself. If you don want to talk to me thats okay but talk to someone, anyone ”.

Sun-Hee hated this feeling, all she had felt all these years towards her cousin, aunt and uncle was a large amount gratitude for taking her in when she was left all alone but a big part of her couldn help the guilt and shame that coursed through her as well. She loved them dearly and couldn have asked for a better upbringing considering the horrible accident that took her parents from her when she was only 9 years old. She wished that she could have been a bit stronger, that she could have spared them the worry and stress of dealing with an orphan with horrible PTSD. She wanted them to live happily so she started working hard towards her dreams, she started acting like her nightmares were less frequent and didn affect her. She even started seeing a psychiatrist doing everything she could to make them proud and for a while this seemed to work, she felt better, excelled in her career, broke out of her introverted shell and felt stronger.

Everything seemed great but when she closed her eyes at night all that progress, she made crumbled under the horrible hell that was the recurring nightmare she had all too often. Over the years it became apparent that she would not be able to stop the nightmares so she started learning different calming techniques to help self soothe her after the fact. Then the nightmare became tolerable to a point that they still filled her with dreadful anxiety and knocked the wind from her chest but she could handle it. Frankly she was exhausted, tired physically and drained mentally and she hated it. ”Im still seeing Dr Choi you know; Ive been trying to get past this, I want to get past it but my mind keeps taking me back to that night. Please stop worrying about me, Im okay, Im doing better than before ”.

”I can stop worrying about you but I understand that you
e trying your best. You should know that we
e really proud of you and what youve been able to achieve. ”. Sun-Hee couldn stop the smile that graced her lips feeling happy that she was able to make them proud, hugging Mina tightly she suggested they drown in junk food and talk about the last few weeks since its been a while since theyve been able to properly catch up due to busy schedules. The atmosphere now lighter, they spent the night laughing and teasing each other.

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