My Heart .

III : Sun-Hee

”I love you Jun ”, Min-Jun sighed deeply, he loved her back, in fact she has been his main source of support for as long as he could remember but they didn have the same type of love for one another. Song Hei-Ran had made her feelings clear a long time ago, never hiding the fact that she was in love with Min-Jun. Even if she always respected his feelings and tried not to cross the line, she couldn help the hurt she felt when he said I love you too in the most platonic way possible. They were both selfish when it came to the other, afraid to be without the other, stubbornly holding on to each other. Hei-Ran was painfully aware of the fact that the man she loved was chasing the ghost of the woman who shattered his heart, holding on to the good memories to make her loss less unbearable. That awful woman had destroyed him and though she was still alive and well she was most definitely dead to Hei-Ran.

”When will you take off that ring? ”, ”Can we please not have this discussion today ” ”If not today than when Jun, look I understand that she is the mother of your child and that you love her but wearing that ring won bring her back, she abandoned you. She abandoned Hee-Chul because she was selfish and couldn see past her resentment towards her parents, you don deserve this. She moved on without you, don you think its time to move on as well ”. She knew it wouldn help to reason with him but she had to at least try, ”You know Im always here to talk if you need me ”, ”And how do you suppose I move on from my wife? ”. Hei-Ran wanted to be a good friend; she knew it would never be her but she just wanted him to be happy. ”Ex-wife Jun, she hasn been your wife for 4 years. Please listen to me this once, go out, go on dates and meet people. Your dad has been pestering you to let him set you up on a blind date forever, let him do it. Do something, anything so you can stop sulking in a corner every time something reminds you of that woman ”.

Min-Jun knew she was right, he had countless sleepless nights thinking about the pros and cons of dating. He had always pushed it away using his son as an excuse but now that his son was asking questions about his absentee mother it made him realize that he eventually needed to find someone that would not only be compatible with him but also with his son. Why was all of this so exhausting? ”Fine, Ill accept my dads offer for the blind date to get you to stop preaching me about my terrible life choices, you really need to stop stressing so much I can see the wrinkles forming ”, gasping dramatically while checking her face she realizes that he agreed. Finally, after so many attempts to get him to move on he finally conceded, even though she was happy she couldn help the fear that rushed through her in waves. ”Your serious right? you
e finally ready to do this? ”.

”No, not at all but you
e right Ive been acting like she was coming back to me when I know she would never set foot in Korea again after everything that happened. Is it bad that I want to hold on to her as long as I can even though she basically threw me away? ”. Frowning Hei-Ran embraced him gently, it was horrible that he still wanted her after all this time but who was she to judge when she was in the same boat. ” Its not bad Jun, you
e allowed to miss her and to want her back but its not okay to torture yourself like this. You deserve to be happy too Jun, you deserve to move on just like she has. It doesn take anything away from the time you two spent together. All Im asking is that you give yourself a break, try to break out of this depressive state youve fallen into, please. ”

Has it really become that bad? running his hand through his hair and sighing deeply, she was right again and it annoyed him so damn much. Turning away from her he stares out the window at the landscape, the busy streets of Seoul distracting him from his thoughts. ”Go on one date please and I promise if its awful all you have to do is send me a text, Ill call you with an emergency of epic proportions to help you escape ”, as much as saying this hurt her and even if it meant she had to be on the side-lines it was okay she still had him in her life and she valued their friendship way too much to just leave him because he didn love her the way she wanted him to.

”Ill only do this if you agree to go on a date with Ji-Hoon ”, groaning dramatically Hei-Ran scrunched her nose in disapproval. ”Oh, come on! Why do I have to suffer this way? we just agreed you would do Oh, did yes, but you have to go on a date with Ji-Hoon ”. With the mood dramatically shifting Min-Jun stares at her in amusement. For some unknown reason, other than the obvious infatuation Hei-Ran has for Min-Jun, she has always rejected Ji-Hoons advances ”Ugh fine deal, now call your dad while I fight the urge the stab you with a pencil ”. Chuckling Min-Jun calls his father slightly nervous at the prospect of having his dad set him up, the man had always been on the conservative side when it came to love and marriage so he hoped this wouldn and up being a disaster.

”Whatever you
e calling about the answer is no ”, ”Why hello to you too dad, Im doing great what about you? ”. Hei-Ran smiled hearing them talk, why did she agree to the date with Ji-Hoon she really didn want to lead him on especially since she is barely able to stop herself from loving Min-Jun romantically. This was such a mess; this would be so much easier if she just started being realistic and started moving on. She couldn even bring herself to do the exact thing she was forcing him to do and honestly the thought of him dating someone perfect for him made her want to curl in a ball and cry. She was being pathetic, she knew it and she couldn even place any of the blame on him, hed never led her on in any way he was just a great person.

She had fallen in love with the image she had created of him in her mind, over the years she had started the unhealthy habit of taking everything nice he had done for her as a sign that he felt the same towards her. When he gently rejected her two years earlier, after she had finally found the courage to confess, she was shattered and couldn be around him for a while after. It was humiliating to say the least and her pride would not allow her to be a mess in front of him. Eventually she had come to the conclusion that if she was going to get over him properly, she needed to face him and start to set some boundaries for herself. However, she is just human and her plan to move on was put on an indefinite hiatus after an excruciating two and a half weeks of pretending that she could move on. He didn even do anything remotely romantic to make her give up her plan, all he did was tell her he couldn lose her as a friend, that was it, that was all it took.

”Okay Ive done my part of the deal; the date is on Friday. He wouldn let me know any information about her though, just told me to go somewhere private because she doesn like being in crowded places and that I should be open minded when I meet her ”, Min-Jun shrugged his shoulders. He really hoped that his dad will at least set him up with someone decent, if he was going to give dating a try his first date in 4 years should at least be pleasant. ”Time to do your part of the deal ”, ”Yeah, yeah Im doing it ”. Even though she groaned and complained throughout the entire experience she had setup the date with Ji-Hoon while Min-Jun sat back, amused at her displeased expression. ”Whats so wrong with Ji-Hoon? he is a great guy, has a good job and comes from a good family what could possibly be stopping you from accepting one date with him? ”, she stayed quiet for a moment.

”You ”, it was the simple truth. Min-Jun looked down not knowing what to say, he felt like an asshole but he just didn feel the same way and was not going to force himself. Yes, he loved her but it was in the most platonic way possible, when she initially confessed, he was confused, what about their friendship throughout the years had led her to fall in love with him. He had spent his teenage years being in love with a woman his mother affectionately referred to as the spawn of the devil and spent his early twenties looking after a baby while trying to collect the pieces of his broken heart. There wasn exactly any room in between or time for that matter to romance anyone, least of all his best friend.

”Im sorry ”, ”Don be Jun, I just don want to lead him on ”. He felt terrible and she sighed deeply, she didn mean to make him feel guilty about her unwanted feelings for him. ”I get that but please just give the date a fair chance Hei-Hei ”, ”Only if you give your date a fair chance too, I can see the reluctance Jun ”. He smiled and looked down at this, she could always read him like a book. ”Am I that obvious? ”, ”Yes, you look like you
e about to flee the country ”. She giggled softly ”I just might ” he chuckled along with her hoping the date will go well for both of them so that they can finally move on.

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