Damn Reincarnation

ossible events, things that could not be accomplished by human power.

Most miracles experienced on the battlefields tended to be similar occurrences — seemingly impossible battles won, defeating an enemy much stronger than oneself, or surviving in impossible situations.
Such were the miracles that Eugene, or rather Hamel, experienced in his previous life.

However, it irked Hamel to call such events miracles.
Winning an impossible battle? A result of fighting with one’s life on the line.
Knocking down a stronger opponent? Product of a well-fought battle.
Surviving a situation where death was inevitable? Either gratitude was warranted to the enemy for being a meathead who failed to confirm the death, or someone had struggled to save your life.

—In a sense, couldn’t they all be classified as miracles?

—No.

—Hamel, I am treating you now because I have the power to treat you.
The power I have was given to me by the God of Light, so my existence itself could be proof of miracles.

—You are free to think as you’d like, but I don’t think that way.
Fucking hell.
We’re the ones who struggle, the ones who fight, and you are the one who treats.
Why should we have to take it as a God-given miracle?

—I do not want to argue with you about faith.
Hamel, I know you are a persistent, single-minded, stubborn brat, like a worm.

—Did you just call me a brat?

—All you’re saying is that you don’t want to admit the miracles of the gracious God of Light, right? You think your achievements are a result of your talent and hard work.
That is truly an arrogant—

—Not me, but us.

—What?

—We are talented, hard-working, and victorious.
We won impossible battles because we fought well, and you are treating me here and now because you’re here.
Proof of a miracle? You? What the fuck are you talking about? You’re not a miracle, but a normal, living, breathing human, aren’t you?

—…Ha…!

—What, you got a problem? If you think I’m wrong, go fucking fetch that wonderful almighty god of yours.
Hmm? You can’t, right? So why do you keep ranting about some damned miracle and—

—Then let’s put it like this.

He could clearly recall Anise’s expression from that time.

—All of this, everything here, is not a miracle of God.
Hamel, as you say….
You, no, we….
Haha.
No, even that is pretentious.
Just….
All of us….
Right.
It’s something that everyone achieved together with a… sprinkle, just a little bit of God’s will… just a small miracle.

Anise had said this with a smile.
Come to think of it, that was the first time Anise had conceded in any matter regarding faith and miracles.
It was the first time she had backed down and acknowledged even a little bit without pushing her own view.

A small miracle.

Eugene came to a stop.
He couldn’t walk anymore.
Anise had always spoken about God, Light, and miracles.
She had always prayed to her god with an imperishable smile.

Anise had truly believed in the existence of God.
At least, that’s how it always looked.
Anise had been more desperate than anyone else for the existence of God.
She had to be.

Three hundred years ago, Anise desired to lead everyone who died to heaven.
She declared that she would shed blood on behalf of God and light the darkness on behalf of God.
She had declared that she would shine as the most brilliant light after God to bring light to the damned and to lead them to heaven.

…Sometimes, she questioned the existence of God and heaven.
Countless people died.
The days were filled with suffering and deaths.
Far too many people were buried, and lands were laid to waste.
It was impossible to find anything other than battlefields and the grim smell of death.
It was an era where demonic creatures killed humans, monsters killed humans, demons killed humans, and humans killed humans.

So Anise doubted the existence of God.
The omniscient, omnipotent God was nowhere to be found when the world needed his presence the most.
God did not shed blood on behalf of his lambs.
God, the so-called light to drive away all darkness, did not drive away the everlasting night of the dark era.

Every day, the sun gave way to twilight, then once again brought light at dawn, but the world greeting the new ray of sun was absolutely no different from the night before.

Despair filled the unchanging days, and just when he was at the brink of collapse when he no longer had the will to overcome his drunkenness, Hamel acknowledged a miracle of God for the first time in his life.

Vermouth — his existence was a miracle of God.
God wasn’t uncaring and absent.
Instead, he was trying to save the world by sending Vermouth.

That was how Eugene had convinced himself.

“Anise,” Eugene called out.

The long, intense battles were always decorated with a drink at the end.
When the hellish, torturous battles were over, Anise’s back was always soaked with blood.
Fortunately, the smell of her blood had been masked by the overwhelming stench of blood from their surroundings.

When Anise took off her uniform and showed her blood-soaked back, Hamel saw how her stigmata had spread compared to before.
Anise drank when he wiped the blood from her back and applied ointment.

“Should I have brought alcohol?” whispered Eugene.
But there was no answer.

The small, pale hand led Eugene.
He could not smell blood from the girl.
The once bloodstained clothes were now white and spotless.
So Eugene wanted to cry.
He could not deny that there was no warmth radiating from the hand that led him.
He couldn’t even feel its weight.

Although he could see the fluttering blonde hair and the girl’s back as clear as day, he knew well that she wasn’t of the living.
He did not want to believe that this… cruel little miracle was a gift from God.

“…You…” Eugene called out, but the little girl never turned back.
She continued forward and guided Eugene to the right path.
Though the fog slowly cleared, Eugene did not want to turn his eyes away.
He saw the small hands, arms, back, and hair of the little girl pulling on his left hand.

“…Would have… gone to heaven, right?”

Please turn a blind eye to this immorality.
If you cannot, please bestow the duties to enter heaven upon the shoulders of your servant.
Then, let us reunite one day in the same place.

“You….
You’ve become an angel in heaven, right?”

Before he knew it, Eugene was no longer walking through the forest.

The dream shown to him by the Holy Sword and the prayer of Anise….

—If not us, who could go to heaven?

It had to be true.
More than anyone else, Anise, you deserved to go to heaven.
Eugene honestly thought so.
He knew exactly the type of life Anise led in his previous life.

If not for anything else, heaven had to exist for the sake of Anise.
Just as she hoped, she had to have become the second most brilliant light after God to illuminate heaven.

—We will definitely be able to reunite in paradise.
If we do not….

Clack.

The Holy Grail fell from his hand.
Both the chalice and the jawbone contained inside rolled across the ground.

—Then God does not exist.

He found himself somewhere underground following the little girl’s guidance.

What welcomed him wasn’t a hallucination created by the barrier.

But Eugene did not want to look straight at the sight before his eyes.
He didn’t know what to think, what to feel, and what expression to make.

Plop.

He heard a drop of water, and Eugene clenched his teeth.
He wanted to avoid the smell of blood.
Fortunately, the stench of blood that permeated his sense of smell was his own blood.
Blood was trickling down from his peering eyes and pursed lips.

I have to look.

A voice resonated in his head — his own voice.
Eugene slowly raised his head and peered straight ahead.
Many pipes that lined the wall were… in contact with a spring of water.
The water was drawn into a pipe, traveled through its innards, through the filter… then fell back into the puddle.
The last step of the purification was responsible for the sound of water that filled the space.

There were many filters.

There were many pipes.

The whole process was repeated, over and over and over again.
The central pipe drew water from the spring and then directed it elsewhere.
The scene was truly horrible and reminded Eugene of a pipe organ — a sick, abhorrent mischief of an organ.

Eugene raised his head and looked up.
He saw the ‘filters’ connected to the pipes, the white spheres hanging like ripe fruits in the air.

Inside the spheres were….

“…..”

‘What am I doing here?’

‘What am I holding in my hand?’

‘The objects rolling at my feet, the things in front of me, the things hanging above me….’

Plop.

Somewhere from the pipes, the sound of water resonated once more, and Eugene closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes, countless girls were hanging above the spring.
It was still difficult to make out the faces of the girls, and… he still couldn’t understand why.
However, he could see Anise standing upright and Kristina crying.

“Pity,” Anise parted her lips.
That awful woman — even now, she didn’t tell Eugene everything.
But Eugene did not crave an answer from her either.

The answer didn’t matter.

“It must have been difficult and painful.
Even now,” said Anise while slowly approaching Kristina.
Countless girls walked by her side, and one by one, they began to disappear.
The girls melted away like the snow and became a part of the spring.
However, Anise and Kristina still remained.

“Hamel,” Anise called out after taking her place behind Kristina, who continued to cry.
She opened her arms and embraced Kristina from behind, “What will you do?”

Leaving behind the dreadful question, the two finally disappeared.
Eugene lowered his head….
The Holy Grail and jawbone had already crumbled beyond recognition.

“…..”

What was he going to do?

It was definitely something Anise would ask.
Although she was the one who wanted something, she would never say it directly.

However, right now, she did not even need to ask.

Eugene slowly raised his head, and a deadly flame engulfed his eye sockets.