Chapter 178 confession

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The moment I saw the picture, something snapped inside me.





“I told you, I don't remember!! I don't want to see it!! this thing!!”





Before I realized it, I had brushed off her terminal.




Her palm was now drenched with blood.




 I must have scratched her with my fingernail.
I could feel Butcher's brain, which was about to go into a fit of rage, instantly cool down.









I was still very angry, but I apologized and licked her hand.
I licked it.
Abigail's blood, however, was surprisingly unappetizing.





 As I instructed Niblo to apply a spider thread as the bandage to the wound, Abigail put her other hand on my cheek and turn me toward her.




“Gevaudan, you used to call yourself Nigel, From this, the Christmas rose, the name Nigel.”




“I don't know such a flower.”




In frustration, I lied.




“The only reason you were able to maintain a sense of reason and morality in that prison was because you refused to be a butcher.
You refused to be a pawn of the aliens and sought freedom.
And that is a sign of your pride in knowing that you are a Human.”





–Oh, yeah.
I am human.





I am a monster that will not stop until I have taken everything, like a human does, with my ugly soul, which is the most ferocious human on earth, and my body, which is the strongest monster on the planet, the Butcher.




” You can trust me.
You can surely become human again.
So you don't have to hide anymore.”




The me in her mind seems to coalesce around the perception of me as a miserable somebody who dreams of freedom and longs to be human again.




 ――You fool.




You want to know everything about me?





then I will tell you.
Don't be regretting it, Abigail.”





 She gasped at the sudden change in my demeanor.




 My voice is an artificial voice.
The tone of my voice is not much different.
Even so, she must have sensed the pressure of the killing intent that welled up out of me.





“I'm here to devour this fort.”










“One by one, I will violate the women as much as I want with this butcher's body, and then I will show it to them, I will eat the men up to the bone as I violate their women in front of them.
I won't let any of them escape.
I'm going to keep killing until I'm satisfied.
I will make sure that the scum that lurks in this fort know that they are more worthless than insects.”








Abigail's voice trembled in the face of the grudges that kept pouring out of my throat one after another.





“You're only still alive because we happened to have a very special relationship.
But from now on, it doesn't matter if you are an alien or a human.
Anyone who stands in front of me, I'm going to return everything and everyone to silence.”





“That's so wrong.”




A moment later, Abigail's eyes sharpened.







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 –That again…….





All of them!!




“It's not!! related to!! that girl!!”





I almost reached for Abigail's neck, but I barely managed to hold on by slamming my hand against a nearby pillar.




“I will have my revenge!”




The momentum was too strong for her hands.
The wooden pillar shattered with a slight touch, shattering as if it were a fugashi.





“I'm a professional!! ……I was decei-ved s-o I need to reve-nge …..!!”




revenge? What are you-“



“At that time, I was betrayed!”







She looks at me as if the bolt has shot through her head.




“I hate those who have disgraced my soul.
look at this body.”




I opened my hand and let a piece of wood fall to the floor.




“My very existence is violence.
It seems to be under control, but it is not.
Every day, people nearby me were dead before I even noticed it. How many human women have I accidentally killed in prison? Of course, I have eaten them too.
Abigail, do you know how I feel when I do that?”







“It feels better than sex.
It's the best.” 



 I moved the butcher's face closer and looked into Abigail's face.
A faint frightened look appeared in her eyes as she took in my breath.




“Human, alien, it doesn't matter which is which.
When I eat them alive, I'm not lost …….
I'm focused, I'm fulfilling my purpose.
Such a feeling of fulfillment rises up from the bottom of my stomach and fills my heart.”




I extend my black tongue and lick up her neck to continue.




“In the beginning, I had some resistance to killing and eating humans.
But I couldn't resist the hunger.
Somewhere along the way, there was no resistance.
Rather, going into battle and eating humans was the only entertainment in my life.”





“No that's not–“




“Fuck, kill, and eat.
It's the most fun I've ever had.”




I took a few steps back and held my hands out to show her.




“– the inside of me is as ugly as you can see.
I am the Butcher Demon.
I'm going to go around fighting, raping, and killing all the humans in the Fort.”




you are not.”



Abigail shook her.



Remember how proud and strong you were, how you had good and happy memories of your friends who spent time with you ……
I heard it with my own ears.
You were undaunted in the face of the aliens and fought and survived for an amazingly long time.”





“Proud? Fun? Where?”




I snorted and chuckled.




“I have never been happy in my life, even though I have a vague recollection of it.
The few memories that remain start with the miserable days of scavenging for leftover food and the dirty mustache of the smirking old man who violated me.
I grew up eating their shit.”




“The fort I was in was destroyed by providence.
At that time, I thanked God from the bottom of my heart.
I almost believed in the existence of God for a moment.
But my nightmare never ended.
I was taken by somebody and became a soldier after all.
What awaited me were the days of hellish training.
I was already malnourished, but from the very beginning, I was so thoroughly beaten up that I could not get any food down my throat.
I don't even remember smiling.”




“Once my body eventually grew up, I was soaked in drugs, which kept my body in a state of neither male nor female.  I found myself in a body that would never be able to have children.
I could play as much as I wanted and kill as many enemies as I wanted.
I killed not only aliens.
I also killed humans when I was ordered to do so.
I was like a killing machine.”



“I hated the body I was in.”


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“It's an ugly body, forged in dirt and filth, so ugly you want to turn your eyes away from it.”




Abigail was standing still like a stick.
Her head wobbled back and forth in small circles without taking her gaze off of me.




“Why did I survive on a dangerous battlefield? Because I was strong? No, it's not.”



Shaking my head, I denied it.




“–The answer is that I wanted to die more than anyone else.”





“Let me give you a tip on how to survive on the battlefield.
If you are afraid of death, if you try to escape death, they will shoot you in the back.
You just have to go towards death.”




“That doesn't mean you have to stand still waiting for death.
you have to fight death.
Death is strong.
No one can beat death.
Instead, you have to fight it.”




“We jump into more dangerous places to die.
When you do that, death will run away from you.”




“I stand where death was a moment ago, and before I know it, it has escaped out of my reach, where it stares at me and mocks me again.
Death is cruel, you know.
On the battlefield, it's a hateful, mischievous thing.”




“And so I was the only one who survived, and all the others around me died.
That's right.
I'm the one who smells death and jumps into it, and these guys are the ones who are supposed to survive.”



“But they believe in me and follow me because they think there is a way out there.
But our motives are so different that I'm the only one who survives.”




“This Nigel fellow must be a terrible person.”



“I'm not a well-respected soldier.
And Nigel knew that somewhere in the back of that head, but it didn't stop her.
A golden grim reaper.
Very well put.”




“I wonder if it's a retribution ……
you know ……  when the long living hell should have finally ended, I'm still living in this, living in shame.”




I looked at Abigail with utter desolation, then at God on the other side of the room.
He seemed to be sneering at my confession.




“Hah ……
how can you end this nightmare?”




“I resent someone who gave birth to me and raised me and gave me this life.
I hate that I was even born.
If I could live my life over again, I would kill myself right after I was born.
Who in the world could have forced such a bad life upon me? I wish I could meet them in person and complain to them.”




As soon as I finished my confession, silence filled the dimly lit chapel.




A few breaths later, Abigail's eyes wavered.



 A drop of water trickled down her cheek, and immediately afterward, her well-defined face contorted into a crumpled mess.



Abigail's brow furrowed, her mouth clamped shut, and her head fell.
Her neck was stiff and her shoulders were shaking slightly.
Her expression was hidden behind her blonde hair.




–She shouldn't be crying.




Not that I'm accusing her of anything.
I'm just telling you a few things I remember about myself.





But I don't know what to apologize for, because her reaction was so incomprehensible to me.




 Anyway, let's just apologize as quickly as possible.




 As I was thinking about this and that…




sorry ……”




  faint whimper echoed through the chapel.




“……I'm sorry……”




 Abigail turned her head down and repeated just that over and over.





 I tried to apologize, but she apologized to me.
I was at a loss.




 –But it seems that a woman's tears do have power.




My bloodshot head had completely cooled down.




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 I walked over to her and gently stroked her beautiful hair.




 Abigail sniffed once, cleared her throat, and looked up at me.




“—- Still, Gevaudan.
There is still a spirit in you.
You even find the reason to come and get me.
That Nigel is still alive.”




Oh, absolutely.




 Not all of those years of life are a picture of the past.
It still lives in this lump of flesh as a vague and hazy personality.




It is just that it is being irreversibly transformed by mixing with the flesh of the monster, and I no longer feel aversion to it.




 Abigail took my hand, and pressed it against her own neck.




“…..What are you?”




“I'll prove it.”




 Her eyes welled up and she said as if she had made up her mind.




“You are human Gevaudan.
From now on, no matter what I say or do, Gevaudan will not break my neck.”








“No, stop, Really.
It's dangerous for me to lose my temper.
You saw what happened to that pillar over there.”




“You won't kill me even if you lose your temper.”




 A shiver ran through my entire body, accompanied by fear.




“Don't do this ……
I don't want to kill you…….”




 I pull my arm away, but she doesn't let go and she presses her neck against me.





“I don't accept it.
I กนืงะ believe you're a butcher on the inside too.”





“Don't do it.
I get it, I'm in the wrong to admit it.”




 I take a step back, but she steps forward.




“And Gevaudan, tell me you don't accept it too.”




“Give me a break, what's wrong with you?”




“Say it.”




She presses herself to me even harder.




 Her thin neck fits in the palm of my hand.
In it, I can feel the presence of a fragile Cervical spine.



 I feel like I'm holding a newborn kitten in my hand.




“This is crazy, you're so stubborn…….”




“Once you decide to do something, you never give up.  you don't care what it takes.”




“Niblo, tie Abigail up for a minute.”




But Niblo crosses his arms.
A sign of no.
There is something wrong in the chain of command.
It's a coup d'etat.




 Then, an unexpected helper arrives.




“-Please stop accusing Jebotan.”




 The voices came from the confessional in the corner of the chapel.



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“I'm Jebotan's girlfriend.”




 In response to Abigail's question, it was Natsuki who appeared.








 Abigail looked at me in confusion, and then her eyes were drawn to another mini-tarantula that had climbed up my body.





 Niblo also jumped over to my body, and Diamond and Niblo greeted each other on my shoulder.
They touched each other a little and squatting dance in sync.





 Yakumo, standing next to me was looking up at me, was curious about such interesting communication.





“–uh, eh!? Where's this child come from?”





 Abigail then noticed the presence of the Yakumo and shouted in surprise.
This kid has zero presence.
He's a natural ninja.





 Finally, Abigail's hand relaxed.




 I quickly pulled my arm back.




I beckon Natsuki, who had been standing still in the distance, to come and stand next to Yakumo.




“Let me introduce you, Abigail.
This is Natsuki and Yakumo.
And this is Diamond.”




I pointed to Natsuki, Yakumo, and Diamond, in order.




“Natsuki-chan, Yakumo-kun, Diamond …….”




 Abigail was puzzled, but said her name, “I'm Abigail.”





” ……
nice to meet you.”




Natsuki bowed her head shyly.




She nodded her head a little nervously.
But there was an unconcealed hostility in her stare.




“……Who are these kids?”




“We are living together now.
In fact, I picked up Abigail here today and brought them with me for the possibility of leaving the Fort together as is.”




“Together ……”




 Abigail grows confused.




“But the idea is that you're not getting out of here right away.
I have a lot more to tell you, including about the future, but I think it's time to move on.
After the fireworks are over, people will start moving and it will be harder to move.”




“Where are you going?”




Our temporary home.
Turn off the power to the terminal.”




Natsuki and the others' terminal is fine because it was tampered with by the gang, but Abigail's legitimate terminal can lead them to catch us with plenty of time to spare.




“I've already turned it off.
I was quite busy earlier.”




Busy, huh? …….



on second thoughts.  It's a miracle that you're not captured already.





“Let's go.”




 I put on a new face skin I had brought just in case and left the church with everyone in tow.

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