A Silent Cry Deliver Me, I wanna be Free

A good man will help you soar not watch you fall.

If a man refuses to change his lazy ways and say he do not like ultimatums and says he would rather leave than to take an ultimatum, then let him leave.

That is the point—either he can grow up and be a man in the partnership of marriage or he can be a child who expects his wife to be mommy.

Please women you cannot change or re-raise a man. You did not make or raise him.

It took all his life to become who he is, and he chose his ways and the life he lives.

He will not let you change him. Some men will not listen to God and God made and gave him life. What make you think he will let you change himself.

Men have told me men do not change anything but their bath water and underwear and some of them do not change their underwear sometimes. Yuk.

If you have to ask him to spend time with his children, his own flesh and blood, the two of you in one and he don want to but every once in a while, and don want to work and keep quitting jobs and leaving you to carry the load and decide to lay around because work is hard. Believe me, he is a low life. Because well yes, work is hard.

Do you know what is harder than working full time? Working full time and mothering a child, doing 98% of the work to run a home including taking care of a grown man child who feels entitled to making his wife into his indentured servant.

Let him leave. If he values his wife and children, he will change. If he values his laziness, he will end up leaving or she will kick him out.

Staying the way it is, forcing his wife to be his house cleaner, mother, nanny, personal assistant, it all will drain the life out of her and make her miserable, and suck the life out of her so much faster than if she must figure out life as a single mom.

If he will not help lighten your load- you lighten it yourself. Do not do another thing for him until he can pitch in. Do not cook, do laundry, or clean up after him. Even if it is driving you crazy.

It is not really about the chores; it is about being disrespected and taken advantage of. If you tolerate his laziness and outright disrespect and refusal to be a contributing, respectful marriage partner, your marriage is headed for the worst.

If he would rather watch you, do it all and suffer than make the smallest of contributions that would lessen your burden. You need to kick him out, he is useless, and your life would be easier without him at this point.

He needs to go.

Please women, know that you are a good mom, a strong and capable woman, and you deserve a partner who is going to hustle from a.m. to p.m. for you and his family. I really do hope you leave this abusive loser. Wishing you all the strength and prosperity to do so. This is not minor. If he will not parent his own child and is denying you of your rest, hobbies, wellbeing, and the co-parent you deserve.

He is supposed to be AN EQUAL PARTNER in marriage. You are expected to do too much. He taught you how to live without him. He will only jump into action when he is threatened, not because he loves, respects, and wants to help you. A man once told me.

He is retired now but he used to know a lot of women who could not juggle a job, the kids, and a lazy husband. Guess which one of those three things ended up going out the window? The husband of course.

I have heard this so many times and every woman who has done it (left their mooching husband) has said they were scared to leave because they did not think they could do it without a man.

However, when they mustarded up enough faith and strength to leave, they found their fears to be lies and it is easier living this way not having to take care of the mooching husband Some woman has said ”My life suddenly got easier when I left my ex-husband! ”

My house wonderfully stayed clean, and I had less stress without him constantly making stupid, selfish decisions that added more work to my life! Women, you are not obligate to babysit a grown lazy man. You did not marry him to become his mother you married him to become his wife and partner.

Sounds like he wants a mother instead of a wife.

It is not even about the housework. It is about the fact he has repeatedly responded that he does not care, when you mention things that are stressing you, with which he could help. (That he should be doing, as a self-sufficient adult and not a leech)

If you have told him for a year how you feel, and he has responded for a year that he does not care. I would listen to that. Does he sound like the type of person who would stick with you through serious illness?

Nope. I would be leaving him. Not doing his fair share, is way deeper an issue than just housework, it is an example of how and what he thinks of you and your needs.

Weaponized incompetence. I highly recommend you investigate it. The longer you leave it unchecked, the worse it is going to get. THIS IS NOT MINOR.

This is a man who lets you carry 100% of the emotional and relationship workload while using you as a housekeeper and sex provider and refusing to reciprocate or hold himself accountable. He has no conscience or remorse for our feelings.

Make no mistake he does not love or respect you. He is only there for the ride if you catch my drift. He does not care about you or your child. He has shown you who he really is, and you are having trouble reconciling it with who he pretended to be to trap you.

Ask yourself – what do you love about him? When was the last time he showed empathy, thoughtfulness, consideration, or unconditional love?

Sweetheart, you, and the baby deserve so much better.

At least the chance to take care of yourselves without the added burden of having to mother your man-child husband at the same time.

You are worth more than this. This man will ruin the best years of your life. Do not stick around to let him. Consider waking beside him at 65 years old, thinking of all the ways he hurt you and never changed.

I am amazed with how much laziness people will tolerate in the name of marriage or the ”intact ” family. Lord Jesus, please help us all!

He is not being a good husband or a good father. You need to sit him down and communicate to him that he needs to pull his weight because just going to work is not going to cut it.

Being a father and a husband includes going to work AND doing house chores, playing with the kids, AND giving your wife a break.

It is not the actual housework you are upset about; it is the fact that he evidently is fine with you tiring yourself out, doing most of the work and even when you spell it out for him, not demonstrating love and care for you by helping.

That is a fundamental problem, and I would be devastated. It is definitely time to assert some strong boundaries. Explain exactly how you are feeling, and why.

Explain it as if you are at work – be clear, literal, and direct. Tell him you cannot keep going on like this. If there are not any changes in a month or so, then leave or file for a legal separation and tell him to leave.

Again, it is not the actual housework that is the issue here – it is what is revealed by his lack of effort. I do not think I will ever understand men like this, or women that put up with it.

What an absolute narcissist he is. How can you possibly believe he loves you? How can you still love him?? His reasoning is selfish and unacceptable.

Maybe try asking for a break. I do not think you throw a marriage and life away easily, but I am also a firm believer in humans having one life – please do not waste yours on someone that is happy to watch you break. No one that genuinely loves you wants to see that. Even strangers want more for you….

Some women have said ”My husband is a treasure. When we first got married, we set the expectations together. Everything would be split equally down the middle. Then later in life. I developed a health issue that caused me to have surgery, another surgery, arthritis and yet another surgery. Unfortunately, this means the burden of most things would fall on him in those times and seasons in our lives. So, we decided to get a weekly cleaner, groceries delivered and while those helped, he still carried most of the load. When I get down about it, he cheers me up. Great husbands act like my husband. ”

Some men will never love or respect you. You cannot get out of a man what is not in him. Real talk. Did he have a job and his own place before you all got married? Then he had enough respect for himself to clean up while you were not there but now that you are in the picture. He ignores your cry for help, close the door while you are expressing your heart felt concerns and just go to sleep. Leaving you to do the work all by yourself. I had nine uncles growing up and all

of them helped their wives around the house but two.

Now the two did not like to work, did not like to clean, and did not love their wives or children.

They did not care if they ate either. So, the other men in our family stepped in and helped the two uncles children in our family. It is the sad truth, but some men do not love their wives or children and will leave it on others to take care of their family. This is the real world and in real life there are lazy, leachy people out there and they will always use the sympathy role to get people to feel sorry for their lazy selves.

They only care about themselves and nobody else and they do not change unless something bad happens to them. You will always have to take care of them and the more you do for them the more thy will ask of you. Some people will rather be sick, play sick, or hurt themselves rather than work. Some men do not care about anyone but themselves. House chores is like another job,

and it is only fair that every grown person in the house pitch in to clean up the house. it should not even be a point of discussion. It is ridiculous that people cannot see how disrespectful this is.

The dirty person eats and throw his trash on the floor, they put their dirty dish they ate out of in the sink with the leftovers in it, filthy up the tub and do not clean it out, use the bathroom and leave the toilet unclean, waste food on the floor and leave it there.

Filthy people cause bugs to come, and all normal people understand how uncomfortable and stressful a dirty home can be. Why must the clean person put forth hours of effort and money to teach a grown person to pick up after themselves. It takes about 20 seconds to throw your trash in the garbage, and only about 3-4 minutes to clean out a tub, about 60 seconds to clean a plate and 26 seconds to wash your hands before you go in the pot or refrigerator and like my grandmother use to say it do not cost a dime to wash your stanky a**